Many single Orthodox Jews in the United States aspire to marry and build families but face significant obstacles in finding a spouse, a recent report by the Orthodox Union’s Center for Communal Research (OU-CCR) reveals.
In November, the OU-CCR published “The Challenges of Singlehood among American Orthodox Jews, Part II,” building on the initial study released in September 2023. The first installment examined the feelings and expectations of Orthodox singles regarding community life.
The study included surveys of more than 2,300 single Orthodox Jews, primarily users of Jewish dating platforms, conducted between February 5 and March 6, 2020. Researchers also conducted interviews with 41 singles, as well as 25 rabbis, rebbetzins, matchmakers, and 21 community leaders.
Participants identified with a range of Orthodox practices and affiliations. The majority, 58%, described themselves as Modern or Centrist Orthodox, while 6% identified as Hasidic or Chabad, another 6% as Modern Yeshivish, and 4% as Modern Orthodox Machmir. Additionally, 3% identified as Liberal Modern Orthodox, Open Orthodox, or Conservadox, while 8% associated with other types of Orthodoxy.
The findings highlighted the diversity within the community, emphasizing the need for individuals to engage beyond denominational labels to understand others' values. Dr. Rachel Ginsberg, the study’s lead researcher, explained, “One of the things I found interesting—and I think a really important takeaway for anybody who is thinking about dating or just thinking about their own hashkafa (subcategory)—is what we found in terms of how people label themselves and then the behaviors that they said they were doing. I think it led us to really see that people define their hashkafa in many different ways. What counts as Modern Orthodox to one person looks totally different than Modern Orthodox to another person.”
Gender gaps in religious expectations
The study noted significant disparities in religious expectations between men and women. Women were more likely than men to prioritize finding a spouse who prays daily, dedicates time to Torah study, and seeks rabbinic guidance for halachic questions.
A rabbi interviewed for the report described the difficult decisions some women face when adjusting these expectations. “They do come to rabbis about that because they’re looking for validation. They’re looking for almost a representative of G-d to tell them that this calculation is okay.”
Inclusion challenges for ba’alei teshuva and converts
One topic discussed in the report’s overall findings is that of men and women seeking to marry someone who was raised in an Orthodox home, even if they were not raised in an Orthodox home themselves. The report stated, “Ba’alei teshuva (newly religious Jews) and converts are hurt to find that their status is a challenge to their efforts of finding a spouse.”
“That’s something that we have to think about, and think internally of why we hold those assumptions about converts and ba’alei teshuva, and how we shift those assumptions,” Ginsberg said.
“It’s this idea that this is a pervasive attitude across the community, and what do we do about it?” she added. “Is it about opening up the dialogue and really examining why we feel this way, and talking about how we change that attitude and be more inclusive, and be a much more welcoming community? It’s something I think that the Orthodox community needs to really reflect on and do some growth with.”
During interviews with communal leaders, rabbis, rebbetzins, and matchmakers, the interviewees called attention to the lack of more organic, natural ways for men and women to meet each other.
“One of the things it looks like is a Shabbos meal,” Ginsberg said. “The more you invite people to your Shabbos meal, that’s a very natural, organic way to meet somebody. I would say, possibly, events that are not about singles, events to meet people, but just events to bring the population together, and if you happen to meet somebody there, great, but just more opportunities for men and women to be together in appropriate ways.
The OU-CCR, founded in 2018, was created to investigate communal issues impacting the Orthodox community, Ginsberg said.
Although the data was collected prior to her joining the department, Ginsberg completed the analyses and oversaw the report's publication.
“I think the topic of singlehood was one of those that fell into that category of communal concerns or issues that we just needed more data about to really know how to proceed, how to develop policy, how to develop different programming, and just how to take steps forward to improve the challenges that we found, but we needed the data for it.”
Community response to the findings
Following the first phase of the research, the OU launched initiatives encouraging greater inclusion of singles in Shabbat and holiday meals. Researchers also presented their findings at panels held in cities including Boca Raton, New York City, and Baltimore, where they engaged directly with local communities.
“One of the things they wanted was some mentors in the community, so being invited into peoples’ houses, you develop relationships, you can find yourself a mentor. And it’s not about, ‘Oh, I’m having people over on Friday afternoon, let me invite a single who I know that I haven’t had before because I’m already having couples.’ It’s about inviting everybody—you invite well in advance because you want to have them.”
Ginsberg expressed optimism that the findings would help ease the challenges faced by Orthodox singles. “I just hope the work helps in some way move the needle to reduce some of the challenges and to bring a little more peace to the process of finding a spouse in the Orthodox community.”