It’s commonly believed that a relationship between a couple with conflicting ideals and lifestyles, particularly when deep values such as religion are involved, cannot endure, especially if there are children.
In a captivating, thought-provoking memoir, author Jennifer Lang shows that it really can work.
Lang, who hails from the San Francisco Bay area, was in Israel as a tourist in the 1980s when she met Philippe, an oleh (immigrant to Israel) from France. A passionate Zionist, he wanted to live in Israel permanently – a goal she did not share. Additionally, he was religious, observing the laws of Shabbat and kashrut, a way of life that Lang had no interest in pursuing.
In Places We Left Behind, Lang’s “memoir-in-miniature,” she describes her exciting romance with a man from a different culture and their married life that followed, which included raising three children. She candidly shares her internal conflicts, doubts, vulnerabilities, and fears, demonstrating her unwavering determination to uphold her identity, interests, and career goals, all while remaining committed to her marriage and children. A Pushcart Prize and Best American Essays nominee, Lang holds an MFA from Vermont College of Fine Arts and was an assistant editor of Brevity: A Journal of Concise Literary Nonfiction.
At one point, after several years of marriage, she confesses, “Elephants take cover under the rug in every room, turning the where-to-live and how-much-Judaism-to-live-by conversations taboo. We break down. Lose our bearings. Come unhinged. Wrestle, with each other, with ourselves.”
In the end, she succeeds (to be fair, they both succeed), but the fascinating part is the process – the struggles, challenges, and personal growth over three decades.
As for the title, the memoir describes the couple’s moves to different places spanning three continents, between 1989 (the First Intifada) and 2011.
Resonating with olim
Although an interesting read overall, Places We Left Behind would resonate deeply with olim, who have all left places behind. In most cases, no matter how attached one becomes to his or her adopted country – especially when it comes to idealistic Zionists moving to Israel – if a person lived comfortably in the US or any other country and had deep emotional ties to the place and the people, including childhood friends, family, and sweet memories, there will always be a degree of longing and nostalgia.
The author writes in an unconventional style, using poetry and charts, as well as striking a line through phrases here and there, demonstrating her thought process. As she explains in her Author’s Note, the vignettes in the book illustrate her “emotional truth.” She also took “select creative liberties, recreating the dialogue as accurately as memory allows for the sake of the narrative.”
There is no lack of humor in the book. For instance, she makes a list at the beginning of a serious relationship (with Philippe), enumerating the advantages and disadvantages of moving in together. However, “When the negatives outweigh the positives, I tear out the sheet and toss it,” she writes.
A quick and captivating read, Places We Left Behind was followed by her second book (published a month later), Landed: A Yogi’s Memoir in Pieces & Poses. Lang is not only an author but also a longtime yoga instructor and teacher of YogaProse, which incorporates her dual passions for writing and yoga.
Having read only the first book (and looking forward to the second), I asked Lang if she and her husband, Philippe, were still together, as the memoir ends over a decade ago, at which point they were returning to Israel.
“Philippe and I are still married and just celebrated 34 years in September,” the author replied, adding that they live in Tel Aviv, where she runs the Israel Writers Studio.
Lang had not been thrilled, to say the least, about leaving the US and returning to a war zone, but “Israel is definitely home now, and a dear friend observed that perhaps the second book, Landed, which starts where Places left off and is a seven-year story from 2011 to 2018, was what I thought was my landing,” she said. But after the events of Oct. 7 and everything that has happened since then, maybe it was a false landing – and on October 8, I truly landed.
“I could never leave now, live elsewhere. It is home without a question. A fraught one but a true one; a meaningful one.”
Contact Lang: israelwriterstudio.com or facebook.com/israelwriterstudio, as well as on Instagram.com/jenlangwrites or facebook.com/jenlangwrites. For YogaProse: israelwriterstudio.com/yogaprose/
The reviewer, a veteran journalist, made aliyah from Toronto in 2011.
- PLACES WE LEFT BEHIND: A MEMOIR-IN-MINIATURE
- By Jennifer Lang
- Vine Leaves Press
- 156 pages; $15.50