As I stepped onto the sidewalk and the door shut behind me, the siren went off. I had just finished performing the first of two britot (circumcisions) scheduled in Jerusalem and was headed for the next one. The door, which had closed behind me, uncharacteristically, was magnetically sealed – I wouldn’t be able to go back to the apartment and had, say, 60 seconds to find shelter. I sprinted into the apartment parking lot under the building. I went as low and as deep as I could and sat down by myself. All I could hear was my breathing.
And then the explosions began, one after the other; they were so loud that the ground shook below me. Boom! Boom! Boom! I counted six in all. I waited the requisite amount of time and then emerged, unscathed. But later I heard on the news that others in Beit Shemesh had not been so lucky. I brushed myself off, bottled up all the emotions I was feeling and headed on to the next brit (circumcision).
This is life in Israel right now.
At any given moment we have to be ready to either run into bomb shelters, if we’re lucky enough to be close to one, or shelter in place and be ready to defend ourselves and our families against terrorists who’ve infiltrated our neighborhood. If it sounds like a nightmare, that’s because it is.
Many people I’ve known throughout the years have been in touch and asked how we’re doing and what we’re doing to stay sane. My responses vary from day to day. My standard answer is, “There are ups and downs.” It’s an emotional rollercoaster. But there’s been one constant in my life since the beginning of the war – tying tzitzit (ritual fringed garments worn as undershirts).
I need to feel I'm doing something useful
A few days after the war began, word got out that the soldiers wanted these tallitot katanot (small prayer shawls) for protection. And not just religious soldiers, even the non-religious were requesting them. It is believed that these garments protect those who are donning them. At a time like this, who wouldn’t want that?
To those who haven’t worn them or who haven’t been around people wearing these fringes, this may seem like a crazy request. How could an undershirt protect you? In some ways, the logical side of my brain agrees with the critique.
But I have prepared at least one such undershirt for the soldiers, each day of the war, tying the four tassels in a prescribed series of knots. As crazy as this seems, and as out of whack with my own theology it is, I can’t stop tying. It’s one of the only things I have to battle this feeling of hopelessness. I’m not serving in the army, and I desperately want to do something.
Social media is not an escape right now.
It’s not just the images of what happened in the South that I need to stay away from. It’s all the backlash from the rest of the world that came so quickly. All of the posts from Jews around the world about how things aren’t safe for them. How so many in the world are calling for the complete annihilation of our state and our people.
These posts are a constant reminder of the murder of 1,400 of our brethren in the most brutal and savage ways possible, and 238 hostages, some of whom are children, who we fear may never return home safely.
We just want the world to leave us alone
This pain is real and it’s palpable to Jews and anyone with human decency everywhere.
But there’s only one thing that’s almost worse than this pain and that’s being told that this nightmare is actually your fault.
And so many, including Antonio Guterres, the UN secretary-general, are saying such things. Would any one of these wild leftists ever tell a rape victim that she brought this on herself? But as Jews, when our women are raped in the streets by countless monsters, to the point that their pelvises are broken, with video footage accompanying the atrocities, we are not afforded the same decency.
So, what do we actually want? Because if you look at what the other side is saying, you’d believe that all we want is to eradicate as many Arabs as possible. You’d think that vengeance is the only thing on our minds.
Even those who are on our side, like US President Joe Biden, constantly remind Israel to tailor what is regarded as our vicious appetite and protect as many civilian lives as possible.
As if Israel hasn’t always been, and won’t always be the most moral army on the planet. Our steadfast vigilance to protect the innocents has cost us so many of our own soldiers. But none of that is taken into consideration.
What we want is one thing: for the world to leave us alone. Give up on this incessant obsession with our tiny sliver of land and let us live our lives and serve God.
We don't want vengeance, we just want to serve God
On one of the many days I’ve spent tying tzitzit, a certain woman would come to the social hall where many were tying them and ask if she could participate. At the time, I was in charge of the event. I explained to her that since there is a question in traditional Jewish law as to whether or not women can tie because they don’t wear the garment, the synagogue had asked that only men tie.
“My grandson fell in battle and I was hoping to tie in his memory,” she replied. Of course, I immediately sat her down and taught her how to put the tassels on the garment. When the task was completed, I could see in her eyes that she felt a sense of comfort.
That’s who we Jews are.
This grandmother, who had every right to want to wipe out every Gazan from the North to the South, all she wanted while in that pain was to perform one of God’s mitzvot (commandments) and so keep others safe.
If left to our own devices, that’s all we’d do. We’d work day and night to improve the world and sanctify God’s name. Please give us that opportunity. Let us defend our land and our people so that we can live our lives in peace and security.
For God’s sake.
The writer is a rabbi, wedding officiant, a mohel who performs ritual circumcisions; and conducts conversions around the world. Based in Efrat, he is the founder of Magen HaBrit, an organization protecting the practice of circumcision and the children who undergo it.