Lag Ba’omer: Love and smoke are in the air - opinion

Thankfully, we made it past Lag Ba’omer night and all the smoke that goes along with it. As a parent it may be the most nerve-wracking night of the year. As an only-in-Israel event, when else do you have a group of 20 small children around a bonfire, with all the responsibility of their safety resting on the shoulders of a 14-year-old? What could go wrong?

What’s the significance of the day? The 33rd day of the Omer is a happy day because the students of Rabbi Akiva stopped dying. As it is codified in the Shulhan Aruch (Code of Jewish Law) OC 493:1 “The practice is not to get married between Passover and Shavuot – until Lag Ba’Omer, because during this time the students of Rabbi Akiva perished.” Why did they perish? According to the Talmud in Tractate Yevamot (62b) “It was said that Rabbi Akiva had 12,000 pairs of disciples from Gabbatha to Antipatris; and all of them died at the same time because they did not treat each other with respect.”

Rabbi Akiva is best known for his principle that the command to love your neighbor as yourself is the fundamental principle of the Torah.”

What does any of this have to do with money you ask? The answer is that the 33rd (the numerical equivalent of the Hebrew letters Lamed, 30, and Gimel, 3, number, are together 33, pronounced Lag) of the Omer is the beginning of the spring wedding season. It’s interesting to note that we are in pseudo mourning for the deaths of these students who were lacking in mutual respect for a bit more than a month, almost to ingrain into us the importance of this trait, then once ingrained, weddings become permitted.

First, I want to give a small bit of advice for newlyweds (or anyone married!). Remember that “loving your neighbor as yourself” applies to your spouse as well. We jump when asked by an elderly neighbor to change a light bulb or carry a heavy bag for them. But if our spouse asks us to bring them a cup of water, or take out the garbage the response is usually, “Yeh yeh; I’ll do it soon!”

I don’t want to be the one throwing cold water on true love during the time leading up to or immediately after a wedding, but one of the biggest reasons for divorce happens to be money issues. So if the couple can be of one mind when it comes to finances the chances for marital success increase substantially.

Each partner in a marriage needs to treat the other with respect, especially when it comes to money issues. While it’s not so easy at the initial stages of a marriage, the couple need to be on the same page when it comes to financial decisions and both should know about all bank, investment accounts and debts. In other words: no financial secrets. The newlyweds need to be patient. Trying to bring two individuals with different financial backgrounds and approaches to work in sync can take time.

There are a few things that can be done that will get the couple on the right path. Make a list of all income, assets, and debts – including credit cards and loans that you each bring into the marriage. You may need to change and add names to bank account accounts. You will also need to name your spouse as beneficiary on certain investment accounts.

Start keeping track of all money spent and earned. Remember that you are no longer single. You can’t spend money like you used to. You need to spend in coordination with your partner. Make sure that monthly and annual expenses do not exceed income to avoid getting into an overdraft situation. The new couple should start a disciplined savings plan. They can use some of the wedding gift money for this purpose. The earlier they invest and save, the earlier they become financially secure. Reinforcing good financial habits at the beginning of a marriage means that there is a great chance they will live financially smart over the long-term. This will go a long way in avoiding the pitfalls of financial mismanagement that plague so many marriages.

Mazel Tov!