Women are finding more ways to take part in Jewish Orthodox ceremonies and rituals. Does this indicate a deeper shift of gender roles in traditional society?
By ALAN ROSENBAUMAviva Lipsitz, sister of the bride, served as master of ceremonies at the wedding of her sister Ilana. Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz is seen on the left(photo credit: Courtesy)
Today, Modern Orthodox women are taking a much more active role in religious rituals, ranging from the wedding service, to the mourner’s recitation of kaddish. Is the increased participation of women simply a reflection of their status in society, or is it due to other factors? IN MAY 2016, Ilana Lipsitz, a graduate student from Beit Shemesh, became engaged to Ariel Hodes from Nof Ayalon, in the Ayalon Valley near Sha’alvim.Having attended weddings of friends that included participation of women in the wedding ceremony, Lipsitz knew that she too, wanted a more inclusive wedding experience. Her parents, who were married in 1989 in Miami, had a traditional Orthodox ceremony, with no female participation. But Ilana, who grew up in Teaneck, New Jersey before moving to Beit Shemesh as a 13-year-old in 2003 with her family, wanted something different.Together with her fiancé, Lipsitz sought to arrange a formula that would be acceptable to Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz, the renowned scholar and educator, best known for his eponymous translation and commentary of the Talmud, who was officiating at the wedding, as well as to the two families. And so it was, that on a warm summer’s evening in Kfar Etzion, after the blessings of betrothal had been chanted by Rabbi Steinsaltz, after the groom had placed the ring on Ilana’s finger, and after the ketuba, the marriage contract, was read, that the Seven Blessings of marriage were recited.The first six blessings were chanted by male family members and friends, who were called to the huppa, the marriage canopy, by Ilana’s younger sister, who served as the emcee. Then, for the seventh blessing, a couple was invited to the huppa, and together read the blessing. Finally, a female friend of Lipsitz, one of her former roommates, was called to read an additional eighth blessing. This blessing, adapted from the prayer book of Rav Amram Gaon, a ninth-century authority, expresses the wishes not only that the bride and groom will rejoice in each other, but that the joy of their wedding day will be a harbinger of good tidings for the entire Jewish people.Some four months later, Lipsitz is very happy that women participated in the wedding ceremony. “I wanted to feel like I also had a place in the ceremony, and I believe that women should also take part in the ceremony. The wedding brings a man and a woman together, so it should represent both men and women.”Lipsitz, who attended Nishmat, a Modern Orthodox Jewish institution of higher Torah learning for women in Jerusalem, says that for her, having women recite blessings under the huppa made the ceremony more personal and meaningful.Lipsitz wanted to combine the tradition of the Jewish wedding ceremony with the participation of women, all within the boundaries of Halacha, and she and her husband feel that they succeeded.The ‘quiet revolution’ Rabbanit Malke Bina is one of the pioneers of women’s Torah education in Israel. Founder of Matan, the women’s high-level Beit Midrash program in Jerusalem, she has helped to empower women to learn and lead in the study of Torah and Jewish law.Bina says that women began to take a more active role in Jewish ritual and study when they realized that there were more possibilities open to them. “My grandmother,” she related, “thought, that since in her home in Poland, women did not eat in the succa, due to its small size, that women just didn’t eat in the succa. She refused to eat there. It just wasn’t done in her world.” Bina herself says that when she was first married, her husband would buy one lulav and etrog for Succot, which they would share. And then at one point, she said, ‘why shouldn’t I have my own’? And so, she purchased her own set.Rabbanit Malke Bina (photo credit: ARIEL JERUSALIMSKI)
According to Bina, when women realized that more could be done within the framework of Jewish law, things began to change. Slowly, she says, as women learned more, women’s Torah learning spread and increased from one community to the next.“If doing a mitzva in an active way brings one closer to God and mitzvot, why not? It is commendable...Women’s Torah learning is the ‘quiet revolution’”, she says.NECHAMA GOLDMAN Barash teaches Rabbinics, Jewish law and Talmud at Machon Pardes and at Matan. A graduate of Stern College, Goldman Barash holds a master’s degree in Talmud from Bar-Ilan University, and studied for three years in Matan’s Advanced Talmud Institute. According to Goldman Barash, there has been “an explosion” of increased women’s participation in religious rituals over the past five years.She attributes this to the establishment and growth of women’s midrashot, such as Migdal Oz in Gush Etzion, and Midreshet Lindenbaum, which is in Jerusalem.“When you educate women,” says Goldman Barash, “they begin to think for themselves. And then, they say ‘wait, why are we doing it this way? Can't we do this differently?’ The way of keeping people compliant is to keep them ignorant and illiterate. This is true for religion, for government, for everything. It's always easier to control an illiterate, uneducated population.If you have an educated population, you're always going to have a harder time saying ‘well this is just what we do.’ “Now,” says Goldman Barash, “women are asking, ‘Why do we do it this way? Let’s see the sources.’” Almost all the changes in women's role in Jewish ritual stems from increased Jewish education for women, and studying of the original traditional Jewish texts by women.“First, [it was] rabbinic texts, Talmud, now Halacha, and teaching women that they need to be committed from a place of education. We don’t want them to just be ignorant,” she states.While these practices are more accepted among the mainstream national religious population, in the United States they are associated with the more liberal Open Orthodoxy camp, says Goldman Barash.She reports that many Orthodox couples want to keep the essence of the Jewish wedding ceremony, but want to make it more balanced. “Women have found ways to be more active. What had been a very passive ceremony for them... to be a passive participant where someone's putting a ring on your finger and saying ‘Harei at mekudeshet li’ – you are now consecrated to me – the whole ceremony is beautiful and ancient and traditional as it is, but for articulate, educated feminist women it can create a difficulty.”She distinguishes between women’s participation in wedding rituals that simply reflect their increased interest, and those that require more serious halachic analysis. A separate women’s tish, or table, before the wedding, for example, in which women sit around the bride, singing, dancing, and speaking words of Torah – all similar to what is done at the groom’s tish is a nonissue that has not caused controversy.Women’s participation in certain other ritual aspects of the wedding, such as the bride’s giving a ring to the groom, can present halachic issues, but these can be solved. Goldman Barash reports that in the past five years she has seen couples being called to recite the blessing together. Sometimes, the man will recite the blessing in Hebrew, and the woman will read it in English.Goldman Barash says that prominent religious women who head mechinot or midrashot are sometimes honored with the reading of the ketuba.The involvement of women in lifecycle events has increased, not only under joyous circumstances, but sad ones as well. Goldman Barash recalls spending a Shabbat at Harvard 25 years ago, where she saw two sisters reciting kaddish, which she had never seen women recite in public. She was greatly moved by the experience.When Goldman Barash’s mother died six years ago, she too decided to recite kaddish daily, even though she has a brother who was also reciting the prayer. “I have been amazed how women’s recitation of kaddish has become ‘grass roots,’ with relatively little protest,” she says. While different synagogues have different policies about women’s recitation of Kaddish – some require a man to say it together with her, and others permit a woman to recite it with no male accompaniment – it has evolved to a point where it is accepted and acknowledged by most in the Orthodox world.Goldman Barash points out that Rachelle Fraenkel, the mother of one of the three Israeli teens who were murdered in July 2014, probably affected the national consciousness and acceptance of women’s public kaddish recital, when she said kaddish, together with her husband and son at the funeral of her son, Naftali, with no protest or criticism from any of the leading rabbis and religious figures who were in attendance. Similarly, the daughter of late president Shimon Peres, Tzvia Walden, recited kaddish publicly at her father’s funeral in September.OTHER LIFE-cycle events, such as baby- naming ceremonies for girls, allow for much greater flexibility and creativity.Ya’acov Garfinkel and his wife, Bracha Hammer Garfinkel, of Ariel, recently celebrated the birth of their daughter, Noa Tzofit, with a creative and meaningful ceremony and celebration.Together with family and friends, seven blessings were recited by their parents, grandparents and siblings in honor of the baby, with each blessing referring to a biblical heroine – Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Leah, Miriam, Abigail and Esther. Bracha and her husband felt that the celebration of their daughter’s birth should include more than speeches and food. They wanted content and a meaningful ritual.They located a text for a Simhat Bat on the website of Itim, a non-profit Israeli organization that offers information and direction on Jewish life cycle events such as birth, bar/bat mitzva, marriage, divorce, death and burial, and conversion. Garfinkel relates that while her husband and parents were initially hesitant about what they thought might be a non-traditional ceremony, in the end, they were thrilled with the results.Rabbi Seth Farber, founder and head of Itim, notes that the site “provides an incredibly robust resource for people who are exploring ceremonies. People want to know what to do beforehand.and there is no one to explain to them.” He says that the people who download their texts are divided between the Modern Orthodox, who want to add their own unique stamp to their ceremonies, and secular Jews, who are part of the general renaissance of “Jewish awareness” that is, he says, sweeping through the country.RABBANIT MALKA Petrokovsky has been teaching Talmud and Jewish law for more than 30 years, has trained teachers in the field, is the author of Mehalechet B’darkah (Following her Halachic Way) and is one of the founders of Takana, the forum that addresses sexual abuse in the national religious sector in Israel.Petrokovsky, a mother of five and resident of Tekoa, in Gush Etzion, attributes the greater role that women are taking in rituals to several factors.The feminist movement, which began in the United States, certainly had an influence on Jewish women as well, she says. Women such as Blu Greenberg worked on behalf of women’s rights in the Jewish world and exerted a positive influence.In Israel, says Petrokovsky, the beginning of the change dates from the 1970s and 1980s, when Pelech, a girls’ high school in Jerusalem, which she attended, began to increase and deepen its Jewish studies curriculum by introducing the study of Talmud.“The fact that a Jerusalem-based high school such as Pelech began to teach girls Talmud contributed greatly to the situation today, in which girls at national religious institutions study Talmud as a matter of course.“Everything,” emphasizes Petrokovsky, “came about from a genuine and sincere desire on the part of women to know, understand more, and serve God.”Eventually, she says, it led to greater change, such as the women’s-only readings of Megillat Esther on Purim, which have become very popular and commonplace in Israel, over the past 15 years.Looking back over the past 40 years, Petrokovsky says that when women take upon additional religious responsibilities with genuine sincerity, they will succeed in accomplishing their goals. So it was, she says, with the establishment of the various midrashot that have succeeded so spectacularly, and so it has been with the establishment of yoatzot Halacha (advisers in Jewish law), women who are trained in the laws of Jewish family purity, and toanot (female advocates in Jewish religious courts).Petrokovsky herself, who says that there is no halachic prohibition in having a woman recite the wedding blessings or read the ketuba, does not do so at weddings. She fears that doing so might harm her positions on other Halachic matters, which are more important to her. Instead, she will only consent to deliver a short Dvar Torah, a speech explaining a Torah text or Jewish concept, blessing the couple under the huppa.Despite her own personal position, she supports women’s increased participation in the marriage service, so long as it accords with the dictates of Jewish law, as expressed in the Shulhan Aruch, the Code of Jewish Law.While distinguished scholars Goldman Barash and Petrokovsky attribute women’s participation in ritual to their advancement in knowledge and scholarship, Michal Prins, cites more populist motives. Prins, a resident of Sde Boaz, a tiny community adjacent to Neveh Daniel in Gush Etzion, is the founder and head of Merkaz Yahel, the Center for Jewish Intimacy, an organization that addresses intimacy within the Orthodox community, and offers courses, lectures and counseling.Prins, a doctoral student in gender studies, states that in her estimation, the increased roles that women are playing in Jewish rituals today stems from the proliferation of Orthodox women’s Facebook groups.Such groups, she says, enable women to discuss these subjects quickly and easily, and come up with their own solutions and strategies.Prins says, “For example, someone will post that they are getting married and they want to know how to involve or add women to the ceremony. Within the Facebook group, the question becomes ‘legitimate,’ and people know the law.“Once, perhaps, they might go to their rabbi to ask. Now, he is not needed.”While acknowledging the importance of women’s institutions of higher learning such as Migdal Oz, she feels that there is a distinction between the world of Torah study and the world of women’s activism. Prins says that women who are not as learned are not as afraid to break barriers. While she lauds the establishment of yoatzot Halacha as a welcome development, she says that they nevertheless approach these subjects in a very traditional way.Says Prins, “It’s specifically the women who are not scholarly that are saying, ‘we don’t want things to remain as they are – we want to change the concept, and let’s think out of the box.’ I don’t see them giving aliyot to women at Migdal Oz and Lindenbaum.”Prins follows trends through Facebook and other media, and feels that women’s roles in ritual will continue to change. As an example of how things change, she relates that at her wedding, it was decided that she would walk to the huppa accompanied by her mother and mother-in-law, and the groom would walk with his father and father-in-law. Over time, this has changed, she says, and now the bride and groom are each accompanied to the huppa by their parents.Frequently, Prins says, people are suspicious of women’s intentions in wanting to do more and increase their participation in rituals. ‘Why do you want to change things?’ they say.She says that it is amazing to see how individuals today determine what is permitted and what is not, and then build on that.PRINS RELATES that while on a recent trip to London, sponsored by Gesher, an organization that attempts to bridge the gaps between secular, religious and ultra-Orthodox in Israel, she went with the men in the group to synagogue to attend morning services. Upon arriving, she was greatly disappointed to find that the women’s section was locked. In tears, Prins returned to her hotel room, and wrote a post relating what had happened on her Jewish feminist Facebook page.When she came down to breakfast, the members of the group had already read her post. One of the men, who happened to be haredi (ultra-Orthodox), said that his cousin was one of the sextons at the synagogue, and would make sure that the women’s section would be open the next day. The next morning, as he accompanied her to the synagogue, he remarked that he had never quite understood what it was that she wanted.Now, he said, he finally understood what it meant to be an Orthodox Jewish feminist. At last, he was empathetic to her needs. They arrived at the synagogue, and as promised, the women’s section was open. Though it was tiny, and afforded little or no visibility, the fact that it was opened for her benefit led to greater understanding on the part of all concerned – both men and women.Today, it seems that Orthodox Jewish women in Israel have more opportunities to participate in religious rituals to a far greater extent than their mothers. Be it bat mitzva, baby naming, weddings, or kaddish recitation, the world of Jewish ritual is far more open and welcoming than it once was.What will the future bring? Nechama Goldman Barash says that while it will take time, things are shifting. “Change has to be a process. There is a flow and there's an ebb, and some of it is from the top up, and some of it is bottom up, There’s a synergy and there is a language, and things are happening, and I can date it back to the fact that women are being educated.”