Say hello to your anxiety.
There are few of us today who can say they have not been experiencing anxiety.
The worry that we have been holding since Oct. 7 has manifested itself in countless different ways, and while we all have it, anxiety is about as individual as your fingerprint. We may have similarities, but each one of us holds anxiety in different ways. I like to distract myself with TV shows, and my good friend likes to watch every news bulletin she can find.
Anxiety generally has bad press with mostly negative connotations, yet anxiety is a natural part of life. It is that feeling of worry or nervousness usually about something that has an uncertain outcome. When zoomed out on, anxiety can be viewed as an evolutionary mechanism that is helpful.
If we were to see a bear approaching us or a person who is highly critical coming close, our anxiety would pop up, quickly readying us for a reaction that could protect and save us. In times of war, anxiety can make us prepared by alerting our nervous system to watch out for unusual activity (such as the start of a siren).
However, anxiety is sneaky and can emerge in any number of ways that are not helpful at all, from physical symptoms such as stomachaches, headaches, heart palpitations, insomnia, and fatigue, to more psychological ones such as nightmares, feeling a sense of impending doom, irritability, and an inability to function the way we are used to.
Due to the war, understandably, most of us are experiencing higher general levels of anxiety right now than we have for some time. While immediately after Oct. 7 we were in acute shock mode and our adrenaline may have kicked in to help us manage the anxiety in today’s world, we are trying to manage anxiety that is based on legitimate fears that are complex and difficult. Each person will react to his or her anxiety differently.
While our management of anxiety does not negate the fears, the way we do so can help us channel our anxiety so we can function well despite it.
In one study, it was revealed that even after being exposed to the same circumstances, those who possessed a certain set of coping skills had healthier mental health and anxiety management than those who did not have those skills.
The good news
These resiliency skills can be developed. Practicing our coping skills can provide a positive way of dealing with these emotions.
For many of us, the first reaction to anxiety is to try to distract ourselves or avoid the sources of the anxiety (me and my TV shows). This can work for a little bit, but anxiety is tricky and will be determined to show up. Whether that is insomnia, brain fog, being extra irritated by our partner, or any number of other symptoms, it creeps around our defenses. One way to deal with this is to befriend our anxiety, to look it in the face and ask it what it sees as dangerous and what we are fearful of.
Many times, we are afraid to look at what our anxiety is saying to us. When we are prepared to encounter our fears, we can take steps to manage them.
Once we have identified our anxiety, we need to figure out what is in our control. When we engage our anxiety, we can recognize that anxiety has come to warn us, to prepare us to take action. The problem with taking action is that many times what our anxiety is concerned with is beyond our control. One Canadian study found that only 8% of what we are anxious about is within our field of power. We do not have influence over where Hamas or Hezbollah aim their rockets or when a terrorist wants to harm a person.
Understanding our limits and focusing attention on areas where we do have control, such as work or family (which could mean providing support in places we can), will help us channel anxiety to positive purposes.
Body movement has been empirically proven to reduce anxiety. Studies have shown that it doesn’t really matter what sort of movement you do, whether tai chi or high-intensity interval training; it will reduce muscle tension and boost certain neurochemicals in your body that decrease the symptoms of anxiety. One study showed it takes only 10 minutes for the benefits of movement to kick in.
If you can move and be in nature, this may be extra positive, as connecting to nature on a regular basis has also been shown to have a significant effect on the symptoms of anxiety. Getting out can seem overwhelming, but even a walk around the block looking at the trees can be beneficial.
Connection with others is an overarching antidote to the isolation that anxiety can bring. There is a plethora of research that has shown that increased social support reduces anxiety and depression symptoms in all sorts of populations (including nationally dispersed war-zone veterans).
Social connectedness means engaging not just on a deep and meaningful level with those around you but also engaging in the small chitchat of life (chatting to the person who is at the cash register). Wherever it is possible, interacting with those around us is a resilience builder not just against anxiety but against many other ailments.
What your mother told you is true and is backed up by empirical studies: When you do something kind for others, you will feel better. Many studies have shown that volunteering or helping others is a great way to release oxytocin and reduce anxiety. Altruistic acts create a narrative of meaning in our lives and help us to make sense when a lot around us does not. Being kind to others and being able to contribute help to reinstate a sense of control, which decreases our sense of helplessness.
One crucial part of all these skills is knowing how to be kind to yourself. Just as anxiety affects each individual in a unique way, so each person has to find the right way to manage his or her anxiety. Knowing what works for you and acknowledging your boundaries about what you can tolerate is foremost.
For some, mediation may be their thing, or it may be taking a walk around the block. Some may find phoning a friend helpful; for others, just functioning through their day may be a huge feat. Noticing your achievements in managing your anxiety (however large or small) is important.
Anxiety can be overwhelming, and not being able to deal with it by yourself is not a weakness. We are living in challenging times. Reaching out for help to recognize how your anxiety affects you and how you can manage it is a step forward. Whether the help comes from a professional or a person close to you, don’t be shy to reach out.
The writer has an MSW and is a licensed social worker and psychotherapist specializing in couples therapy in her practice in Jerusalem. www.hadassahfidler.com