It is not easy for Andrey Kozlov to speak about the long period he spent in Hamas captivity; the memories are both fresh and painful.
Only a month after he was rescued in an operation by security forces, the freed hostage decided that he had no choice but to share everything he had been through – he owed it to those who were left behind.
In his first interview with Walla, he described last week the terror he felt on October 7, the mental and physical abuse he went through, what kept him going during the eight months in Gaza, how he learned of the developments of the war and various ceasefire deals and how he was left disappointed every time. Now, he demands the government do everything possible to return the remaining 120 hostages.
Kozlov still hasn’t digested his return to freedom. “Coming home is the best feeling I’ve felt in my life. It’s the greatest gift. I pinch myself every day to understand if I’m dreaming,” he admitted, laughing. “I’m probably not.”
Did you hear about the efforts to get a ceasefire-hostage deal while you were there?
“The kidnappers kept us informed all the time, but not about everything. We weren’t told about the release of Fernando and Luis, for example. Some of them spoke to us in English and told us about the news and developments between Israel and Gaza. We knew that there would be a deal at the end of November. We had hoped that we would be released, but that didn't happen."
Did they tell you that you wouldn't be released?
"They told us that every day, one of the hostages would be released. In the end, they only released one that was with us in captivity. Me, Shlomi, and Almog were sure that tomorrow or the day after, we would be released and be back home. When we realized that this wouldn't happen, it devastated us emotionally."
How did you feel when you realized you wouldn't be coming back, because Israel and Hamas couldn't reach an agreement?
"The best word is disappointment. I was crushed by this news. I know words that describe it, but I won't say them. After the deal, we kept hearing a lot about another deal taking shape, each time we thought we might be able to be released soon. Expectations kept developing."
Kozlov demonstrates how he was breathless with excitement every time he heard positive news.
“Blinken has arrived; surely he will solve the problems,” he recalled in some of the updates he received. “Israel sent representatives to Qatar; they will probably resolve it, and we can return home. Biden said that the Israeli government should end the fighting. Egypt sent representatives to Israel, Israel sent representatives to Egypt. Every day we heard something and expected something good to come. But every time it fell apart.”
Were you angry?
"There were many emotions together: Anger, disappointment. Obviously, we wanted to get home. We didn't know who was to blame; they told us one thing, and after we returned to Israel, we heard another. When you're there, you don't have all the information, and you don't know who is responsible for not being able to go home. We believed what they told us.
"They showed us a lot of the demonstrations in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. We saw the anger of the people. The first time, it was, 'Wow, it's full of people.' And they (Hamas) said, 'Yes, a lot of people,'" he mimics their response in a robotic voice. "You see it and understand that people are fighting for you, but nothing changes. You don't see results. You know that hostages were released in November, but they forgot about you.
"The decision-makers are responsible. 120 hostages there. Some are already dead, and we don't know how many of them are alive. They are citizens of Israel. It could have been anyone. It could have been you. They are alive and waiting for a decision, a solution. Some still have hope and strength, others have lost it. They are just in tunnels without enough food.
"We were told that some only eat five dates a day. I remember how I felt, and I can't imagine them in the tunnels for nine months, 40 meters underground. You can't imagine how terrible it is. Those were the worst days of our lives. Try to understand. We need to bring them home as soon as possible."
You mentioned the conditions in captivity. What moments were the most difficult for you?
"October 7 was the hardest day of my life. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. It was a nightmare. At some point, our guards and other people left the compound we were in, probably because they received a signal that it would be bombed. Only one guard, a terrorist, remained with us, holding a knife. He was reading the Quran, and we were just waiting for the house to be bombed. After an hour, someone came back and asked: 'Why are you afraid of being bombed?' I was sure that in a short time, my life would be over.
"In November we were in an abandoned building, we were locked in a room. People from the outside could find us, and throw a burning object at us when we are tied up. We were just waiting for it to arrive. The guards brought us food during the day and left at night.
"Some guards were the worst people I've ever met. I remember that for two days, I lay under three thick blankets in the middle of May for an hour and a half because I had done something wrong in their eyes. For two days, I lay there on the mattress, unable to stand or speak, and at the same time, they showed Almog and Shlomi movies in English on Arabic channels."
"There was also violence at the beginning, on October 7. We were beaten. One of them signaled to me with his hands that he would kill me tomorrow and take a picture of it. The next day, he came to me and said he loved me. There was a lot of psychological abuse. We were told that Israel would kill us. Each time we were updated that three were killed in the bombing, one was killed in the bombing, and you realize you're next. Maybe in a minute, or a day, or a month, but it will happen. You understand that every day is a gift. You start praying in the morning, begging the guard to let you go. One time, I had a problem, and they called a doctor who gave me medicine. To this day, I don't know if he was really a doctor."
In an interview with Walla after his return, Andrey’s parents said he told them he would never tell about some of his experiences in captivity.
“Since then, I have told everything. Who cares?” he continued when asked about it. “They already felt the worst possible. To everyone who called me strong, king, champion, and hero, I replied that I appreciated them and thanked them, but on October 7, I didn’t see dead bodies. I only heard about it. I kept myself alive for my family. The only goal was to return home healthy. That was my mantra. I wasn’t a hero; I just wanted to be able to tell my mom that I love her again.”
How did you spend your time there?
"Part of the time, we did nothing. We just waited. They asked us, 'Are you soldiers? Do you have GPS chips under your skin? How much do you earn in Israel?' Everyone who came asked us the same questions.
I also did stretches, yoga, and breathing. I thought: 'One more day, A little more. I'll be free, I'll be back, I'll survive.'"
One of the most difficult moments of his life
Andrey and the other hostages moved between seven different hiding places. They stayed in the last of them from December to June. Some of them met other hostages. “I saw hostages and informed their families when I returned,” he said.At the end of August, a month and a half before he was kidnapped, he started dating his partner Jennifer. “I didn’t expect her to stay, to fight for me. I would have understood if she would have stopped waiting for me. We only dated for a month and a half. But she continued and fought for me, and I have no words to describe how much I appreciate it.”The joy of the return was also mixed with the news of the death of the mission commander Arnon Zmora during the rescue operation, which was later named after him. “We saw him when he was wounded. The soldiers told us: don’t look at him; you don’t need to see it. But when an injured person is lying a meter away from you, you can’t help but look. I want to say to all the soldiers who took part in the operation: you are my heroes.“Arnon Zmora was an amazing person and soldier. He is a hero. He went on an operation that you know you could lose your life in, and I have no words to express my feelings for him. I so appreciate what he did for me. I met his family and they are amazing too. We spent a holiday with his mother. It was one of the hardest moments of my life.”
A separate interview
Kozlov also conducted a separate interview with KAN on Friday, where he repeated a lot of the trauma he underwent in his interview with Walla.
"I ran 300 meters," Kozlov said while recounting events from October 7. "
I saw a big car full of bad guys. They started shooting in the air and then started shooting at us from all sides.”He initially met hostage Shlomi Ziv then and tried to escape together, he told KAN. They ran into an individual whom they thought was an IDF soldier, and they got into a car to escape the area, but then realized he lied about his identity.“We were not driving towards Tel Aviv, but towards Gaza,” he recounted, which was the moment they realized they had been kidnapped. Two hours after they had crossed the border to Gaza, Almog later joined them in captivity, Kozlov said.