Parents can help their children with special needs get through this latest round of missile barrages from Hamas if they follow a few simple steps, according to Yael Leviel, a social worker who treats children with autism.
“I think that when we explain the situation to children with special needs in general and with autism in particular, the basis for everything is to explain how it affects the child’s daily life,” said Leviel. She holds a master’s degree in direct care and counsels other therapists. She is currently working at the Association for Children at Risk – Autism Treatment and Research Center and lectures at Tel Aviv University and Bar-Ilan University. She stressed in a Tuesday interview that her advice can apply to all children, whether or not they have special needs.
Depending on the circumstances, parents may need to explain why they need to rush to shelters and why school is canceled. Some may need to explain that family members or teachers will be leaving to do reserve duty. But the key is zeroing in on how the child’s daily routine will change and concentrating on describing what will take its place. “Building a new routine is important, she said.
“If it doesn’t affect him or her directly, you shouldn’t say anything on your own initiative,” she said. People on the autism spectrum often process information differently from so-called “neurotypicals” – those not on the spectrum, she said. While parents may be used to thinking that knowledge is power, it’s possible to overload children on the spectrum with too many facts.
For young children, she suggests keeping it as simple as possible and sticking to phrases such as “tomorrow, school will be canceled” or “when we hear this noise, we have to go to the protected room.”
When there is a siren “we can say to them: ‘We need to go to a place where we will be more protected and where we will all be together.’” She suggested taking the children to visit the protected space if possible even when there is not a siren, to help them get used to it. She also suggested asking them what they would like to take with them when they hear the siren. “They might say they would like to take their scooter. We can talk about that and tell them that it is too big and suggest maybe they bring a teddy bear.”
Of course, children should be encouraged to discuss their feelings but it is important for adults not to put words in the children’s mouths. “Don’t say, ‘Are you scared when you hear the siren?’ If they express fear, that’s fine, you can talk to them about it, but don’t assume they are reacting the way you are.” Children can also be encouraged to express their feelings through drawing or modeling with clay. For those on the autism spectrum who are non-verbal she said parents should stick to whatever communication system they normally use.
For older children, “we can say that there are people who live far away, who are our enemies. For some, we may have to explain what enemies are. We can say there are people who don’t like us and they are very far away and sometimes they try to throw things at us and that is why we need to go to the protected space.” There is no need to go into detail about why they don’t like us. “Just emphasize what we can do to take care of ourselves,” she said. “We think it’s always important to tell them why things are happening, but that isn’t true in this case.”
Children “see the world through the adults around them.” Parents need to work on themselves, so that they project calmness as much as possible. It is critical that parents do not keep the news on in front of their children. “Even young children who cannot understand what is being said will pick up on the stress in the announcers’ voices,” she said. “There are so many options now. Parents can watch the news on tablets or computers with ear buds instead of exposing their children to it.”
For children on the spectrum, she suggested creating a “social story,” a method used for people with autism to help them make sense of the world. “People on the spectrum often need information to be repeated. So you can say, for example, ‘tomorrow we will wake up at such-and-such a time, we will wash our faces and brush our teeth and we will have breakfast, and then we will do whatever you have planned for them to do.’”
Making an actual book, which is easier than ever using images from the Internet, can help and many children will enjoy looking through that book or having it read to them over and over again. “People on the spectrum often are reassured by having information repeated,” she noted.
One final piece of advice she had for parents is not to be too hard on themselves. “Let yourselves be human, let yourselves fail. It’s OK not to be perfect. You have to be forgiving toward yourselves and that can help you support your children.”