Erez Kalderon, who was released from Hamas captivity in the November hostage deal, marked his Bar Mitzvah Thursday without his father Ofer, who was taken hostage with him and is still held by Hamas.
"It's going to be very hard," said his uncle Nissan Kalderon, who will accompany Erez as he takes his first steps in Judaism as an adult, speaking to The Jerusalem Post ahead of the event.
“I asked him what he thought about who he wanted standing next to him in the synagogue,” he said, adding that he wanted to make sure everything was settled in advance because surprises are very hard for the family these days. “He asked me to stand next to him and hold his hand, so that is what I will do.”
Nissan said he believed Ofer could return.
"Listen, it could be a surprise. He could come back; it could happen at any moment," he said, adding that the family is "holding onto hope that anything could happen."
In spite of this hope, the family was prepared to support Erez for his bar mitzvah without his father, Nissan said.
“The fact that I will be with him is certainly not a replacement,” he said, adding that Erez’s bar mitzvah is a moment when his father should be by his side.
“It’s going to be very, very hard that we are doing something that in some sense in Judaism is meant to be a father and son,” Nissan said. “It’s the ceremony of maturing, and Erez will need to do it alone.”
“While I will be there, while I’ll hold his hand, while we’ll cry together, still, there is no replacement,” he said. “A father should be with his son on that day.”
Following Erez’s request, the family planned a small family ceremony at the synagogue where Erez will be called up to the Torah for his first aliyah before gathering for a seudat mitzvah (obligatory festive meal), Nissan said.
Any additional celebration of the bar mitzvah would be up to Erez, he said.
There would be no Baruch Sheptarani blessing at Erez’s bar mitzvah, Nissan said, referring to the traditional blessing a father says when his son reaches bar mitzvah.
“That blessing belongs to the father, and we are currently leaving this blessing for [him],” he said.
The lead-up has been difficult, emotional for the Kalderon family
The lead-up to Erez’s bar mitzvah has been a difficult and emotional time for the family, Nissan said.
“It’s an event I have been carrying in my stomach for a month,” he said. “I couldn’t sleep last night, and I probably won’t be able to sleep tonight either.”
“I really miss Ofer,” Nissan said, his voice dropping off as he mentioned his brother’s name.
“And his kids [miss him] more than I do,” he said. “Too many days are passing, and we are not stupid people. We understand that as hard as our days are, their days in the tunnels are harder. They don’t eat. They don’t drink. They don’t see daylight. They don’t know what is really going on.”
It has been hard to see Erez still struggling with the effects of his time in captivity, Nissan said.
“We will never understand it – what they went through,” he said. “The abuse, the fear, the violence, the hunger. The days they went through in Gaza, we will never understand it. No one will.”
“I keep saying we have lost our Judaism,” Nissan said, adding that it seems as if Israel’s leadership has forgotten vital tenets of Judaism, such as pidyon shvuyim (the commandment of redeeming captives) and halanat hamet (the prohibition against delaying burial of the deceased).
It’s important that the whole world “apply pressure to stop this horrible war,” he said. “It’s in the whole world’s interest that this war stops and we bring those people home and return home [to evacuated communities].”
Even if that happens, Nissan said he was not sure it would be possible to recover.
And if the hostages don’t all return, if even one is left behind, “we won’t manage to lift our heads,” he said.