The Torah passages and Israel's holidays are full of important messages that are relevant and empower our day-today lives. Rabbi Shai Tahan, head of the Sha'arei Ezra community and head of the Arzi HaLebanon teaching house, opens the gates for us to understand these messages, from their source, in a clear way. This week - Blame-Shifting and Ingratitude: The Ancient Professions of Ishmael
Playing the victim, also known as utilizing the victim card, encompasses the act of fabricating or intensifying feelings of victimhood for various purposes. These reasons can include making their actions seem okay, changing what's happening around them. When an individual consistently embraces this behavior, they are often termed a "professional victim." This label is used to describe someone who regularly portrays themselves as a victim in diverse situations, often with the aim of eliciting sympathy or leniency from others. This pattern is observable in the Palestinian-Israeli conflict, where initial acts of aggression by Palestinians are followed by a swift shift to a victimization narrative when Israel responds.
Ishmael; The victim.
As we delve into the Torah portions and learn more about Ishmael's character, it's remarkable to see his persistent negative behavior, mirroring the ongoing narratives we witness today. We read about Ishmael, at a very young age (sources suggest around 16), attempting to kill Isaac by shooting arrows at him. When Sarah imenu witnesses this, she implores Abraham avinu to send Ishmael away from their household. Although Abraham is hesitant to do so, shortly thereafter, Hashem appears to him and instructs him to heed Sarah's request.
As Ishmael and his mother, Hagar, find themselves in the desert, she distances herself from him. The Midrash Raba tells us that, during this time, she began to voice blames and complaints against Hashem for her son's misfortunes. This situation highlights a recurring pattern of playing the victim. Initially, Ishmael engages in aggressive and harmful behavior, including attempted murder and terrorization. However, when others take measures to protect themselves or respond to these actions, Ishmael and his mother cry to the world about how they are the ones suffering as victims.
Someone who only observes Hagar and Ishmael in their distressing situation might initially perceive them as victims. However, when considering the complete context and the reasons behind their expulsion from Sarah's household, a more comprehensive understanding emerges, revealing that they were not victims but rather the instigators of the situation.
Avimelech; The victim.
The same pattern of behavior emerges when Avimelech, the king of Gerar, takes Sarah away from Abraham. Hashem appears to him in a dream, warning that failure to return her will result in his death. Instead of recognizing his wrongdoing, Avimelech shifts the blame towards Hashem, asserting that Abraham had informed him that Sarah was his sister, as if it was permissible to take her if she were his sibling. The following morning, he angrily confronts Abraham, saying, "What have you done to us? How have I sinned against you that you brought upon me and my kingdom such a grave offense? Deeds that should not be committed have you done to me."
At first glance, someone hearing Avimelech's side of the story might sympathize with the grave danger he found himself in. However, when examining the entire narrative, it becomes clear that Avimelech was not the victim but rather the wrongdoer in this situation.
Pharaoh; The victim.
The same scenario unfolded with the Egyptian king, Pharaoh, when Abraham and Sarah arrived in Egypt. Pharaoh's officials, captivated by Sarah's beauty, took her and presented her to Pharaoh. Subsequently, Hashem afflicted him and his household with severe plagues. Instead of recognizing his wrongdoing, Pharaoh shifted the blame to Abraham, portraying himself as the victim, and said, "What is this you have done to me? Why did you not tell me she is your wife"He appeared to imply that it was somehow acceptable to take her because she wasn't a married woman, seemingly oblivious to the fact that his actions were criminal."
Ingratitude: A Tale of Unappreciation
Let's revisit the Torah portion we discussed earlier, when Sarah expels Ishmael and his mother Hagar from her household, as she realizes that such individuals should not reside in her home, Hagar and Yishmael find themselves in the desert without water. Yishmael is dying of thirst, and his mother leaves him to his fate. The verse states that she distanced herself twice the amount required to shoot an arrow. Rav Ovadia of Bartinura (ספר עמר נקא) questions this distance, asking why it was necessary. If she merely didn't want to witness his suffering, a shorter distance would have sufficed. So, why did she go so far?
Rav Ovadia of Bartinura provides an explanation: Hagar distanced herself so significantly because she was apprehensive that, in his desperate state, Yishmael might attempt to harm her by shooting arrows at her. This precaution is troubling, as the notion of a son potentially resorting to violence against his own mother, the one who gave him life and cared for him, underscores a profound ingratitude. It suggests that Hagar was aware of the ungrateful and untamed nature of the child she was raising.
This ingratitude can also be observed in contemporary instances. Take, for example, Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar (ימח שמו). Israeli doctors saved his life when he was in prison in Israel, successfully treating a brain tumor. Remarkably, this occurred while Sinwar was serving multiple life sentences for his involvement in the kidnapping and murder of two Israeli soldiers back in 1988. After his release in a prisoner exchange for Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit in 2011, Sinwar immediately assumed a leadership role within Hamas and directed the organization's ongoing campaign against the very people who had saved his life.
Another recent news story involved a woman who gave birth to a child in need of a kidney to survive. A Jewish father, who had tragically lost his son in the war, selflessly donated his kidney to save the child's life. However, after the successful operation, the mother expressed a disturbing hope that her son would grow up to become a "shahid" – a term often associated with a suicide bomber.
I remember, seven years ago when then-candidate Trump was running for office, he recited the snake poem about Arabs which really sums it up:
On her way to work one morningDown the path alongside the lakeA tender-hearted woman saw a poor half-frozen snakeHis pretty colored skin had been all frosted with the dew"Oh well," she cried, "I'll take you in and I'll take care of you""Take me in, oh, tender woman Take me in, for heaven's sake Take me in, tender woman," sighed the snakeNow she wrapped him up all cozy in a covertures of silkAnd laid him by the fireside with some honey and some milkNow she hurried home from work that night, as soon she arrivedNow she found that pretty snake she'd taken in had been revived"Take me in, oh, tender woman Take me in, for heaven's sake
Take me in, tender woman," sighed the snakeNow she clutched him to her bosom, "You're so beautiful," she cried"But if I hadn't brought you in by now you might have died"Now she stroked his pretty skin again and then kissed and held him tightBut instead of saying thanks, that snake gave her a vicious bite "Take me in, oh, tender woman Take me in, for heaven's sake Take me in, tender woman," sighed the snake"I saved you," cried that woman"And you've bitten me, even why?And you know your bite is poisonous and now I'm gonna die""Oh, quite, silly woman," said that reptile with a grin"Now you knew very well I was a snake before you brought me in"
Summary: If we believe that surrendering land, providing job opportunities, and boosting their economy will bring us peace, we may be misunderstanding the true nature of the situation. Just like a snake, it doesn't care about the favors you extend; it may still bite the very hands that feed it.
This article was written in cooperation with Shuva Israel