The Torah verses convey profound messages that we can insightfully extract for our daily lives. Rabbi Shay Tahan, the Rosh Kollel of Shaarei Ezra in Brooklyn, NY, graciously opens the gates to understand them.
Leading to the sad day of Tisha B'Av, we read Haftarot with the rebukes of the prophecies.
These rebukes are meant for us, and we should take them seriously. At the same time, it's worthwhile to learn from them how to correctly rebuke so the message will be conveyed in a beneficial way.
We also read a rebuke in the beginning of Sefer Devarim, the last sefer of the Torah, which starts differently than the first four. The first four books begin with Hashem's expression of love for our nation and their leader, Moshe Rabenu. Let's go through them:
- Bereishit opens this way to teach us the famous words of Rashi—Bereishit means "for reshit—for Israel," to show that Hashem created the whole world for Am Yisrael.
- Shemot and Bamidbar begin with the counting of the people of Israel, indicating that Hashem constantly counts us to express His love.
- Vayikra starts with a call of love and friendship to Moshe Rabenu, the leader of Klal Yisrael.
But the last book of the Chumash takes a different course with a rebuke. Rashi writes: "These are words of rebuke. Thus, Moshe is mentioning here all the places where they provoked Hashem to anger. Therefore, Moshe Rabenu mentions these matters only by mere allusion contained in the names of these places, out of regard for Israel." The names of the places mentioned at the beginning of the parasha hint at the places where Am Yisrael sinned. For example, when he says "in the desert," he means to hint to them that they complained unjustly in the desert. When he says "in the Arava," he means to remind them that they sinned with idol worship in a place called Arvot Moav, and so on.
The Torah obviously tells us this to teach us how one should rebuke, so let's delve into those teachings and see what we can take from it. First, if we understand that it's the Torah which sends the message of rebuke, then we see that in order to rebuke, we must first express love repeatedly, as the Torah does in the first four books. Moreover, this love was demonstrated over generations, from the time of creation until the people were ready to enter the Land of Israel. Only once it was well established that Hashem loves us very much did He feel that we were ready to accept a rebuke.
In this particular case, it was Moshe Rabenu who rebuked the people before he passed away, which also shows us that after a lifelong dedication to the nation, until the people were convinced of his unbounded love, he finally found the moment to share with them how they should improve themselves.
Secondly, even after all the expressions of love, Moshe Rabenu still manages to deliver the rebuke indirectly by only hinting. Moshe could have spoken more directly to the people, explaining to them that what they had done throughout the years was wrong. Instead, he gave soft and indirect hints, hoping that people would understand his meaning. This leaves us wondering, as we read these words, how indeed would they know his meaning? After all, we wouldn’t know what Moshe means without reading Rashi's interpretation.
The answer is that when they sinned and were punished, the sin and the punishment left a mark; it left a certain trauma on the nation. When one goes through a trauma, anything that reminds them of what happened brings back those bad feelings again. Therefore, all Moshe needed to do was send a faded reminder, and those who are attuned to the truth would immediately understand.
But if this is a valid rebuke by merely reminding them of what they have done wrong, why couldn't Moshe spell things out instead of hinting? Rashi tells us he did it to preserve the respect and honor of the nation. What Rashi reveals here is an important understanding of human nature: when you rebuke someone, you're essentially telling them they are doing things wrong, which can diminish their sense of self-worth and honor. Therefore, Moshe acted very wisely. He didn't even explicitly state that it was a rebuke; he didn't make them feel as though they were being rebuked. He hinted in a way that kept their respect intact, allowing them to come to the conclusion themselves. How brilliant!
Another lesson we learn from the fact that Moshe Rabenu delivered his rebuke in his final days is that, as long as he was alive, he sought to improve the nation through other means than rebuke. Moshe Rabenu did not blame others for their failures but rather himself. When the nation did not move in the right direction, he felt it was the fault of the leader, and he took every measure to change them. He refrained from rebuking them then, believing that it was he who needed to be corrected rather than the people. Once he neared his final days, he realized that he needed to address these issues before he was no longer around to guide and help them, ensuring they would not repeat the same mistakes.
It could be that this is the meaning of the mitzvah in the pasuk that says (Vayikra 19, 17), "Rebuke your friend but incur no guilt or sin upon him." Many interpretations have been given to this, but the simple question should be asked, as it seems contradictory that the pasuk says you should rebuke your friend but at the same time not tell him of his sins- incur no guilt or sin upon him. According to the above explanation, we can understand this to mean that when you rebuke your friend, follow the footsteps of Moshe Rabenu. Don't make him feel that you are rebuking him or that you know he has done something wrong. Rather, use your wisdom to awaken him to do the right thing by himself.
Indeed, this is a very hard task and easier said than done, as Chazal already were quoted saying (ערכין טז, ב), "We wonder if there is anyone in our generation who knows the wisdom of rebuking correctly."
This article was written in cooperation with Shuva Israel