This week’s Torah portion, “Vayehi,” concludes the Book of Genesis with the death of Jacob and the firm establishment of his children and grandchildren in the land of Egypt.
As he lies on his deathbed, Jacob bestows blessings on his male progeny (Dina is notably absent).
There are several interesting points to note:
Jacob only blesses two grandchildren, the sons of Joseph, and he does so in a peculiar manner, giving preference to the younger Ephraim over the older Menashe.
He blessed them that day, saying, “By you shall Israel invoke blessings, saying: God make you like Ephraim and Manasseh.” Thus he put Ephraim before Manasseh” (48:20).
Rashi comments: “When one wishes to bless his sons, he will bless them by reciting the formula with which they (Ephraim and Menashe) were blessed — a man will say to his son, “God make thee as Ephraim and as Manasseh.” Mizrahi, a super-commentary on Rashi clarifies, “[Rashi] says ‘when he wishes to bless,’ the explanation being that [we are discussing] when he wants to bless, and don’t think that it is an obligation for every Jew to bless their children...”
As we will see below, the custom of blessing children on Friday night is first recorded only 300 years ago. It is noteworthy that despite this preferencing of the younger, Ephraim and Menashe are two brothers who show no enmity toward each other. Even their tribes live in harmony alongside one another, despite the many years of tribal fighting that lie ahead for the Children of Israel.
Perhaps this is the reason that the language in this verse is used as the introduction to the blessing that parents give their sons (and inspires a similar introduction for daughters, using the matriarchs Sarah, Rivka, Rachel, and Leah).
Jacob then proceeds to bless each of his sons – although curiously, the blessings are all very different, and some include harsh words of rebuke. Given that he did not rebuke his children throughout his lifetime, now on his deathbed he takes this opportunity to express his true feelings about their character traits and past behavior.
While many commentaries work to explain the deeper meaning behind each blessing, some see in the verse below inspiration for individual blessing.
“All these are the tribes of Israel, twelve in all, and this is what their father said to them as he blessed them. He gave each one his own special blessing” (Genesis 49:28).
Rav Shimshon Raphael Hirsch writes as follows:
“After characterizing them, he blessed each one in keeping with the blessing appropriate to his individuality. After describing the individuality and significance of each of his sons, he blessed each one accordingly. Jacob’s blessing to each one of his sons was that each one should find blessing and happiness by remaining true to his individual personality.
“Even those who did receive a blessing together with the designation of their character — and perhaps they, most of all — were in need of the special blessing mentioned here (v. 28) so that their outwardly blessed position would prove to be a blessing to them. For God cannot make a person happy against his will and without his cooperation. Conversely, a Jew worthy of the name will be able to transform even the bitterest experience into a source of great blessing.”
In a like manner, commentator Or HaChaim sees the diversity in Jacob’s blessings as an expression of a father’s awareness of the differences in his children:
“Each person received a blessing in keeping with his individual personality and achievements. You must not forget that different souls possess different potentials. Some souls are able to rise to the level of being priests, others to the level of being kings, etc. Still others have the potential to achieve greatness in Torah knowledge, or temporal successes such as wealth or personal heroism. Jacob endeavored to match his blessings to what he perceived to be the nature of each of his sons’ special attributes.”
Instead of focusing on the particulars, Or HaChaim reinforces the Jewish ideal in parenting known as “educate your children according to their individual need.”
It may surprise readers that the widespread custom of regularly blessing children on Friday night is first mentioned in a 17th-century work called Ma’aver Yabok, written by Rabbi Aharon Berakhya of Modena, Italy.
The bulk of the Friday night blessing consists of the priestly blessing derived from Bamidbar:
The LORD bless you and protect you! The LORD deal kindly and graciously with you! The LORD bestow His favor upon you and grant you peace!” (Numbers 6:24-26).
There are interesting halachic debates dating back to the Talmud as to whether a non-priest can use the priestly blessing without violating a prohibition. As the practice of blessing children became more widespread, notable authorities from Rabbi Yaakov Emden onward ruled that there was no issue with using this blessing to bless children, even while raising both hands, an act normally reserved for the priests. Most recently, Rav Shlomo Zalman Aurbach (Shalmei Simcha 153) and Rav Ovadia Yosef (Yechaveh Da’at 5:14) affirmed this as a correct halachic position.
Why did this become the language of blessing children?
Perhaps because there is a sense of Godly presence and protection in these words. Rabbi Joseph B. Soleveitchik explained that there is an added element to the priestly blessing that invites the manifestation of the divine presence into the space created by the words. Parents seek to invite this presence into their children’s lives and actively facilitate it by integrating Jacob’s final blessing of his grandsons with the priestly blessing.
Educator Yael Keller movingly wrote the following about her own experience blessing her children:
“On Friday night when I bless my children, in many ways I am simply the conduit for God’s blessing. I try to allow the bracha to flow through my fingers and onto my children’s upturned heads and hope that in performing my duty, God, in God’s mercy, will bless my children. In the moment, I hope that my children and I feel the hashra’at ha-Shechinah, God’s extending kindness.”
The act of giving blessing creates connection. Hopefully, we do not wait until the end of our lives to create or facilitate this connection with our loved ones as Jacob did. The Friday night custom creates a weekly opportunity for a parent to reach out and physically touch his child and say words that weave a web of connection between the two, with hope for divine protection and peacefulness in the home every time Shabbat begins. ■
The writer teaches contemporary Halacha at the Matan Advanced Talmud Institute and Talmud at the Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies, as well as courses on sexuality and sanctity in the Jewish tradition.