I led a discussion with high school students in America where I explained that among the many struggles Israelis are dealing with during the war is the question of how much of our daily lives should be interrupted because of the war.
Is it OK to go to a movie, to go out to eat at a restaurant, or to a stand-up comedy show? There are no right and wrong answers to these questions. Each person must decide on their own what they feel is appropriate during this time.
I asked these teenagers what they felt the appropriate answer should be for American and Diaspora Jews. How much of their daily lives should be interrupted because of a war in Israel?
I explained the real costs of war: the families sitting shiva who will never see their families again; the injured soldier who will never get to jog with his daughter again because he lost his leg; the families wondering what is happening to their hostage child; and the hostage child worrying about his family. Knowing how much their brothers and sisters in Israel are suffering, is it appropriate for them to host a party, get together with friends, or go out to a restaurant?
Initially the students advocated for balance between being involved in the war and carrying on with their normal lives. They talked about not allowing depression over the losses the Jewish people suffered to get the most of them so they can galvanize themselves to helping the Jews and soldiers of Israel.
We divided the interruption in our lives between emotional and practical disruptions. Emotional disruptions are natural. How could anyone not be emotionally disturbed after hearing, watching, and learning about the savagery of Palestinian terrorists as they attacked the Jews of the South?
The students discussed how much their day-to-day practical lives should be interrupted due to the war. Should they attend classes? Should they work at after-school jobs, play sports on their school teams, or go to their favorite club? How much should their lives be overtaken by the war the Jewish people are waging in Israel?
We are so careful about mental health and “taking care of ourselves” that we’re often reluctant to tell people to stay in a disturbed state, especially children. We, myself included, encourage people to take breaks from the despair the Simchat Torah attacks brought on all of us.
“Are you taking care of yourself?” follows immediately after “How are you?”
These questions and their focus put more emphasis on our emotional state than the state of the Jewish people. While mental health is important and crucial, especially among our children and teenagers, we also need to be aware of the condition the Jewish people are suffering today.
When the Jewish people experience a tragedy that is out of the norm, like a plague, illness, famine, or war, they enter a metaphysical and halachic state of existence called a “time of pain.”
Acting differently
This status requires Jewish people to interrupt their lives by acting differently and relating to God differently. The Jewish people must call out to God in a form or prayer that is more repentance than the three-times-a-day service of God we perform with our Shemoneh Esrei. We must change our ways, both in minor changes of behavior and major paths of life. We must fast to encourage repentance. Life cannot be continued as normal.
In a time of pain for the Jewish nation, such as war, it is inappropriate to continue with life as usual.
The Jewish people must change their mindset and their actions.
They must pray more, study more, and do more mitzvot.
They must also change their mindset about their relationship with God.
Like an unaware spouse who was just informed their behavior has caused their loved one pain for years and is in shock to learn he was resented instead of loved, the Jew must recognize their estimation of the Jewish people’s relationship with God was incorrect. Action must be taken to repair the relationship and to draw closer to God.
Maimonides wrote about the tragic mistake the Jewish people can make by ignoring the “time of pain,” and continuing their lives as if nothing is wrong, “Should the people fail to cry out to God and instead say, ‘What has happened to us is merely a natural phenomenon and this tragedy is merely a chance occurrence,’ they have a cruel conception of events which causes them to remain attached to their wicked deeds. Thus, this time of distress will lead to further distresses. This is implied by the Torah’s statement, ‘If you remain indifferent to Me, I will be indifferent to you with a vengeance.’”
It is simply untenable for the Jewish people, whether in Israel or in the Diaspora to go on with life as normal.
The Jewish people must be cognizant not just of the latest developments from the battlefields, but of their weakened relationship with God, the need to improve, and the tragic circumstances they are in right now. There is no exact equation for how much a person’s life should be interrupted and their mental state disturbed right now. There are definitive red lines of inappropriateness that cannot be crossed and those should be obvious to anyone sufficiently sensitive to knowing the state the Jewish people are in today, but there are many more gray areas that each person, community, and country must decide on their own.
It is inexcusable for any Jew, no matter where they are in the world and no matter what their opinions are on Israel, this current war, or the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to continue living as they normally do every day of the year. Every Jew must recognize the loss we’ve suffered, the state of existence we’re in, and the expected behavior we need to model.
May God see our new approach and bless us with providential success against our enemies.
The writer, a rabbi, is CEO of Israel Educational Supply.