I have a question for you to ponder.
If you had no knowledge of your age and didn’t know your birth date or other factual information, how old would you say you are, based on how old you feel? Stop and think about this for a full minute before moving on. Let’s call this number your “perceived age number,” or PAN for short.
I have done this informal survey with several friends and family members. The results have been fascinating. I believe that age is really a state of mind. We all know young 90-year-olds and old 40-year-olds. Some of the respondents said they feel at least 30 years younger than their actual age, and others have said they feel several years older. Many put themselves at least a decade or more below their real age. When inquiring how they got to their PAN, many imagined themselves back at an earlier time, and in many ways still saw themselves there.
Given all that we have been through in the past three-plus years, this question may be harder to answer. With the emotional and physical stress of first the pandemic and now the war, our joy in life may be diminished and our anxiety levels on a daily basis higher. How can they not be? After all, most of us are responsive to the world around us, and that world at the moment is, sadly, quite unwell.
Think, too, for a moment if I had asked you for your PAN, let’s say four years ago – how would it differ from your answer today and why?
How old do you feel?
We don’t really need a reminder that these past few years have been hard on all of us and that we are definitely changed in many ways after Oct. 7. Nonetheless, and despite our ongoing stress, most people are coping relatively well, even if seemingly unhappy. While some days are definitely more difficult than others, and living with uncertainty is not easy, there is a strength and resolve about our future that is evident as we move forward.
How has this impacted individual PAN scores – and does it weigh people down, age them, or have no effect at all?
Whether you feel older than your stated age or younger, it is important to ask yourself what factors you took into account when answering the question. Your physical and emotional well-being are possibly major contributors and will most likely strongly influence your PAN. If you are not feeling well, this may increase your PAN; and if you feel great, this could lower it appreciably as you imagine yourself as a teenager.
With spring in the air and the holidays reminding us of freedom, I am proposing taking a few minutes for some deep introspection. Look seriously at what you have, who you are, and who you want to be. Take note of how your attitude impacts your day and your PAN.
If, for example, life in every way is an effort for you, and you see getting out of bed in the morning to be pure drudgery and your goal is at best to “get through” each day, week, and year, you might have rated yourself as “tired” and older.
If, however, you have managed to put meaning into your day, and think with energy and enthusiasm about what you’d like to contribute to your world, both big and small, you may feel younger than your stated age. You may find that there are simply not enough hours in the day to get everything done because you have much that you’d like to accomplish.
If your outlook is that of a young or old person, how would you personally rate your level of happiness, all things considered, and do you feel that for you there is a connection between the two?
Surprisingly and in spite of these difficult years, Israel still manages to rank fifth in world happiness. That’s truly amazing, given that most of us would not use “happy” as an adjective to describe us at the moment. Even more bizarre is that when we look at those under the age of 30, the world ranking takes us all the way up to second place.
Yes, our load may be very heavy at this moment, but as a people who have embraced our being united in purpose, making meaning out of what is ours as a collective has kept us wanting to get up in the morning and in ways that we would not have imagined, strengthening us.
As we move through Passover and support each other through the difficult days ahead, maybe looking for reasons to be grateful will strengthen us and help lower our PAN. Let me give you just one example.
When the war began, a wonderful colleague of mine started a WhatsApp group that displays just one thing daily – photos of flowers with more vibrant colors and shapes than one could ever have imagined. This friend has transformed her daily walk to get exercise into one of slowing down, noticing the beauty around her, and actually taking the time to photograph close-up and send to a growing group, pictures of the most magnificent flowers that she sees as she walks. Although she works outside the home contributing to the well-being of seniors and others, she continues to make time to post these pictures at the beginning of each day.
She has redefined the purpose of her walk from one of simply exercising to truly noticing the world and beauty around her. Full of optimism, she says that now she uses her time even more wisely. I have no doubt as I hear her infectious laugh and treasured stories, along with her photo endeavor, that her PAN would be lower than her real age. “Boredom” is not a word in her vocabulary.
So how are you living your life? With your years being limited and every moment valuable, are you living the life that, given your values, you’d like to be living? If not, during this time of renewal, maybe now is the time to consider making some changes.
As you take a serious look at your PAN score, ask yourself if you have any interest in lowering it and what it would take for you to continue to feel young. Is it to increase your exercise, eat more healthily, spend time on activities you enjoy, making relationships with others more meaningful – or a combination of these?
Finding purpose in what you do each day – by putting pep in your step and taking the time to really smell the roses – will help enable you to be young in spirit, if not in body.
The writer is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Ra’anana and author of Life’s Journey: Exploring Relationships – Resolving Conflicts. She has written about psychology in The Jerusalem Post since 2000 and specializes in trauma, grief, and bereavement. ludman@netvision.net.il, drbatyaludman.com